My Obsession With Overachieving Made Me Unhappy

depression

Dec 6

Overachiever is a word that’s been used to alienate successful hard workers and belittle the importance of pushing yourself to become the best person you can be. They spend hours working and then reworking their projects until it’s perfect; they put work first and themselves second; they are the first ones in the office and the last to leave.

But with everything that overachievers do, why is it a negative thing to be seen as one?

Why is it a bad to do well-beyond average and put tremendous effort into your work? You should be pushing yourself to be the best you can be every day, right? Isn’t it better to be called an overachiever than an underachiever?

The thing is, it’s not bad to be called an overachiever — what’s bad is the pressure that comes with overachieving.

Since I was a kid, I’ve always pushed myself to do the best I could, something that seemed to come naturally. I received good grades in every subject at school; I excelled in every sport I played; I won a number of drawing contests. (Of course, I wasn't perfect. But I still believed I was one of the smartest students at my school.)

Things began to change drastically in middle and high school, when where I stood in comparison to my classmates became a reality.

I was an above-average student, taking a few honors and AP classes. But in comparison to the smartest kids in school and in a nationwide level, I was not smart enough. I wanted to push myself by taking harder courses, but the fear of receiving grades below an A- scared me away from challenging myself.

Although teachers and counselors said colleges would rather see a B in an AP course than an A+ in a regular course, I saw myself as a failure. My mind had been trained all of my life that anything below an A- was considered a failure, and the thought of risking my grade in order to challenge myself terrified me.

As a result, I took a mix of regular and honors/AP classes to balance out the As with the Bs.

When I received my first B+, I cried. All my life, I had been used to high grades and had been perceived as a "smart kid.” The thought of being a "B" student severely drained my self-esteem. To myself, I was no longer perfect.

Once I realized my placement at my school, I became obsessed with overachieving and succeeding. I’d spend hours upon hours making sure everything I did was absolutely outstanding. A project that took most kids an hour would take me several hours, making sure that my project was the best. In sports, I would beat myself up for not doing the best in my position or letting someone else perform better than me.

I became incredibly jealous of those who were better than me. It is a selfish thing to do, I know, but after being conditioned for so long to be the best and do the best, it was natural for me at this point in my life. And I hated myself for it. I wanted to be supportive and congratulate others for their success, but inside, I was envious and wished I had done more to better myself.

Being above average in grades did not cut it. To be really successful, you had to be incredibly smart by taking mostly AP and honors classes while being involved in sports, music and/or clubs. You had to be a leader. You had to get eight hours of sleep a night. You had to have a social life. You had to have a significant amount of followers on social media. You had to be funny. You had to be kind. You had to be independent. You had to be perfect. No. Better than perfect.

Even today, overachieving continues to consume me — it’s all I think about. Each day, I set goals for myself to do: clean my room, walk the dog, begin my homework, write, read, watch a movie, go to the beach.

But when I do not complete one item on the list, I beat myself up about. I didn't make the most out of the day. I shouldn't have taken that one-hour break to watch TV. Even goals that do not affect my future, health or the people around me will torment me when not completed, because I have failed myself.

Through this every day struggle of trying to be this perfect image I have for myself, I have learned something. Overachieving has its positives. You should push yourself and be the best you can be. You should try new things. You should produce the best work you can. An overachiever should not be seen as someone who tries too hard, because trying hard is not a bad thing.

But overachieving does have its negatives for the person themselves. When your brain becomes wired on the idea to always succeed, you become obsessive and forget the most important thing in life — failure.

Failure is a beautiful thing when looked at in the right perspective. Failure does not mean you have failed and should never try again. Failure should be your fuel to believe in yourself and continue trying. Failure is a part of life and success. It is okay to fail. And because you do not perform wonderfully in every aspect of your life does not make you a failure. No one is perfect. Do not be hard on yourself and rise again.

Be an overachiever. Be the best you can be. Do your best. It is not a bad thing. But accept failure and your mistakes. From failure, we grow and learn, and from failure, comes the strength to succeed.

Your friend,
Jane