Feeling Hopeless? Here’s How to Cope When You’re in a Depressive Rut
Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash
A lot of us been in depressive ruts. You wake up with zero energy to do anything and start to wonder “What’s my purpose? Am I really happy? Is this all even worth it?”
Maybe you feel overworked and haven’t had a break to recharge, there’s been a drastic change in your life and your body has gone into shock or you have no clue why the heck every molecule of motivation has been zapped out of you.
Like many of you, I’ve been in plenty of ruts that have left me feeling defeated and just plain tired of everything. Me? Get out of bed? No thanks. Many times, all I want to do and all I can do is stay in bed and sleep until this feeling of being drained goes away.
But unfortunately, life does not stop when you’re in a rut, and being in a low-energy state can make an eight-hour shift or back-to-back classes can feel like an eternity.
Although it’s totally normal to have periods of being unmotivated and drained, feeling like you cannot crawl out of a depressive rut can make it a lot worse, especially when it feels like nothing you do is working.
Still, as often as I find myself wading through a rut, I manage to climb out of these dark, not-so-fun places (even if it takes a bit of time). How? Well, that I’m not too sure about yet. I wish I had a magical remedy for getting out of a rut, because it’d save me a whole lot of tears and time.
But I’m not a wizard, Harry — I’m human. No matter how hard I try to hide with a cloak of invisibility draped across me, that feeling of being in a rut is going to find me again. I can’t ever avoid it.
Instead, through trial and error, I’ve learned what helps me manage being in a depressive rut.
Here are a five ways on how to cope when you’re in a depressive rut.
1. Disconnect from Social Media
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m addicted to social media. Do I want to be? Of course not. But right now, social media is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night, and that’s just the way things are for now.
However when I’m in a rut, social media is not my friend, nor is my phone in general. Is it nice to distract myself from being disappointed by life with memes? (I’m a sucker for a Shrek or Spongebob meme.) Well, yes. You got me there.
But we can all agree that social media is generally a toxic place to frolic in. Seeing Judy’s edited photo of her in Cancun holding a coconut drink with a reusable straw and tiny, paper umbrella doesn’t make me feel like sunshine and fairy dust when I’m sitting in bed going through emotional turmoil. I’m not hating on Judy, nor am I saying she can’t be in a rut too while she’s living it up in Cancun (been there, done that). But you get the point.
Instead, I either delete the apps on my phone for a bit, put my phone on airplane mode or turn my phone off. I’ll admit it, as a “born and raised on smart technology with 24/7 content” Gen Z-er, stepping away from social media can be a bit tough.
But while saying “Sayonara social media, you foul beast” is difficult and takes practice, it’s all about taking baby steps towards a better you. That means limiting your social media use even just a little bit if it’ll better your mental health.
2. Be Honest With Others and Yourself
Believe it or not, as much as I talk about feelings on here, I still have trouble opening up. Although I’m more open about mental health now than in years past, it’s not like when someone asks me “How are you?” I’m going to say, “Well, Jerry. I guess you could say life sucks. I overanalyze everything I say and do, I think everyone secretly hates me and I find life less appealing almost every day!” Maybe I’d say that as a self-deprecating and relatable joke to win the approval of my peers even though I’m low-key not joking, but never in a serious manner.
However, I’m taking steps towards being more open about mental health. That means saying “I’ve been better" and “Things aren’t the best, but I’m moving along” rather than whipping out the ‘ole “I’m fine. Everything’s fine (I’m dying inside).”
Obviously what you say depends on what you’re comfortable with sharing, what the environment is and who you’re talking to. But being truthful in daily life helps me be more honest with the people I care about. Instead of talking to only a few people and then pretending everything’s A-okay with the rest of my friends and family, I’m more inclined to say “I’m not doing okay right now, but I’m trying,” because:
It takes a lot of energy to hide what you’re feeling, energy that you could be using to help yourself heal.
Everyone goes through shit.
The simple truth is, talking about your raw emotions isn’t comfortable. But it does get a bit easier each time, even if you don’t feel it at first.
3. Don’t Stop Moving, But Know Your Limits
In typical “tired college student” fashion, I love my bed. She’s supportive, reliable and plush af, but she’s not the healthiest spot to pop a squat in all day when I’m in a rut. She likes to tell me, “No, don’t do anything. Stay in bed all day. You totally won’t feel guilty for lying around like an unproductive sack of potatoes” which, of course, leads me to feel guilty for being an unproductive sack of potatoes.
Instead, I try to continue what I normally do on a given day — get dressed, go to the gym, walk my dog, go to work — because this is my daily self-care routine.
I’ll admit that I’m most of the time I’m not like “Yes! I love going to the gym! I totally want to walk my dog! Let’s effin’ grind at work!” But I know I’m a person who likes to keep moving, and these are the things that make me feel mentally better by the end of the day.
Still, it’s important to know your limits. There’s no pressure to be like “I need to be moving, going to the gym and hanging out with friends” when you know you it’d be better for your mental health if you slowed down and took a breath.
There have been plenty of times where I’ve made plans to hang out with friends a few days in advance and then when the day comes, my mental health just isn’t up to par to go through with these plans. Usually I’ll analyze the situation and be like “Okay, do I have the ability to leave early if I hit a wall? Are these people empathetic with my situation? Do I think it’s better to stay home or spend time with friends?” If I feel well enough to go, I’ll go; if I don’t, then I cancel.
Yes, it does suck feeling like you’re “disappointing” people, but who you surround yourself with should care about your mental health and be understanding. You need to do what you think is best for your mental health. Sometimes it’s doing stuff; sometimes it’s resting.
4. Focus on the Little Things
When you’re in a rut, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself with grand questions like “Will I be like this forever? Am I not doing enough in life? What is my purpose?”
Before you spiral any further down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and overthinking, stop (in the name of love) and focus on your breath. Though it’s easier said than done, focusing on the smaller things rather than the big picture is a healthy way to ground yourself. Think of it like this metaphor: how do you eat an elephant? It’s too big, and you’re just one person. The answer? Piece by piece.
Of course, I’m not saying we should all start eating elephants. But life can be overwhelming. School, adulthood, chasing your goals — everything feels big and heavy like an elephant, especially when you’re in a rut. You think “How am I going to get through this? Will I ever get through this?” You spiral and spiral and spiral until you’re in a panicked state of hopelessness.
Instead, the best thing I’ve learned is to take it day by day. Piece by piece. Rather than focus on how much time you might’ve wasted being unproductive or how much longer you’ll be in the rut, think about the present and say “I just need to through this minute. Then this half hour. This hour. This day.” Breaking it down into more manageable chunks minimizes the heaviness of a rut enough where you can say “I can do this.”
5. Repeat Positive Affirmations to Yourself
Whether you’re crawling through an eight-hour shift or lying in bed with zero energy, repeating positive affirmations to yourself is life changing when coping with a rut. Like I said before, it’s easy to get lost in spiraling, self-deprecating thoughts that make you feel even worse.
But this is where you need to be your own best friend. You wouldn’t say “You are never getting out of this rut, you lazy sack of dog crap,” to your best friend, right? (I hope.) No, you’d say what you need to say to yourself — “It’s normal to struggle. You’re not alone in this. I believe in you.”
Pinterest is the hub of inspirational quotes that you can save to your photo album, set as your phone background or slap on your Instagram story for your daily dose of healthy positivity.
Going through a rut is tough af, and coping with a rut certainly isn’t a walk in the park either. While saying “Be your own best friend!” sounds like an easy task, we have a tendency to be our own worst critic and it can be difficult to remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle and go through low periods. Thank you societal pressures to be perfect 24/7.
But self-care isn’t just popping on a cucumber-scented face mask and drinking gallons of H2O (great show, btw) till it pours out of your ears. Most of the time, self-care is doing things that aren’t easy and comfortable at first, but necessary.
With practice, patience and the reminder that it’s okay to give yourself a break, you’ll be able to get through your rut, even when it feels like nothing is helping. It’s all about taking a breath, allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel, finding what works for you and living each day at a time.
Your friend,
Jane
P.S. What are some self-care tips you have for coping with a depressive rut? Let me know in the comments below!
