Thank U, Next: Why I’m Grateful for My Hardships

relationships

Nov 22

In the United States, Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate the good things in your life. Family, friends, education, achievements — these are things that I am 110% happy to have in my life. I cannot thank all of the support and encouragement I have received within my lifetime, especially these past few years. It is love like that that makes me all giddy inside.

However, inspired by the oh-so wise Ariana Grande, I think Thanksgiving is also a time to be grateful for all of the bad things that have happened in your life. Not necessarily be happy that they happened but be happy about the person that you have become because of those hardships.

Let’s dive into some of life’s hardships and see what good can come of it.

Breakups

Breakups are tough as hell. People really aren’t exaggerating when they say it feels like your heart is being ripped out, stomped on with spiky cleats and thrown into a shredder.

Although it takes me a bit of time to bounce back from a breakup, I’m usually thankful for the entire thing — the relationship itself and the breakup.

I’m grateful for being able to experience what love can be like and grateful for all of the times I was really, really happy with everything. It’s those kind of feelings that make me excited to someday fall in love again.

After a breakup, I’m also grateful for how much I grow while living in the world of singlehood. I often find self-confidence, become more determined to reach goals and regain comfort in being alone.

From all of this, I become a better person because of what I learn during and after a relationship.

I know breakups are tough, but I think they are necessary in life to grow. Not just romantic breakups but even friendships. Any sort of breakup gives us the opportunity to reevaluate what matters to us and learn to love the person that matters most — ourselves.

Love yourself, y’all.

Deaths

I have been lucky enough in my life to not have a lot of deaths of loved ones.

But still, I am not a stranger to having someone that I love a lot pass away. It really really hurts. Their passing reminds you of all the things you should have said or done while they were still alive but cannot now that they are gone. It’s that kind of regret that can tear you apart. You wish you had appreciated them more while you could have. Maybe you sometimes wish that it was you that died instead of them.

However, the death of a loved one is also a reminder to love the ones around you while you can and be kind to people around you.

I’m not always the most outwardly loving person in the world. While I do try to be, I know there are times in my life where I have pushed people away even though I do love them with all of my heart.

But it’s these kind of reminders that make me realize how much I really do love and appreciate the people in my life, and it makes me want to show that affection more. I am still working on it, but its the baby steps that count.

Death can also be a chance to remember the good times you had with that person. Each person’s life is meaningful, and their death doesn’t have to be a time to curse the heavens for taking them but cherish the impact that they had. I think that’s what each person wants when they pass — to be celebrated for the life they had.

Not-So-Great Mental Health

Besides a breakup, shitty mental health is probably the one that I feel the most grateful for, which is kind of a weird thing to say if you think about it. I mean, there were heavy, heavy periods of my life, where I really did not see an end besides killing myself. It’s really scary to think that I was that low, and it’s scary to think that there’s a chance that those times may come again.

But through it all, I really am weirdly thankful for these struggles. Why? Because I have realized how strong I can be.

Having struggles has opened my eyes to see that I can still prosper even after living with depression and anxiety. Of course, there are still things that I seriously struggle with today, but my mental state has been a lot better than it was two years ago and that’s really amazing.

Another reason why I am thankful for having shitty mental health is the impact sharing my story has had on others and myself.

What I have learned through sharing my story is how much of an impact it can have on other people. I am so grateful for all of the wise words that I have received over the past two years about sharing my struggles on this blog. I didn’t think such a simple but terrifying thing could have that impact.

From sharing my story, I have realized how many of us suffer in similar ways. Even just being involved in group therapy, going to mental health speeches and reading some of the messages I have been sent is so uplifting. It’s like this little community that reminds you that you really are never alone no matter what you think.

Even now, I sometimes say things to people and think “They probably think I’m crazy” but it’s really amazing how many people can relate to what you’re feeling. It’s heartwarming. It’s things like that that make me try to live a more considerate life.

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While each of hardships are things that can seem like the end of the world, there is good in every situation that happens, even if it is not evident right away. It might take a few weeks, months, even years to realize what you can learn from a situation, but the opportunity to grow is there. It just takes a bit of time to see it.

And that’s what life is really all about — learning to grow with what you are given. I know that what I have gone/am going through is not comparable to many of the things other people go through, especially in today’s society, but these were all situations that hurt like a bitch at first but have made me realize qualities about myself that I would not have known about otherwise. And that I am thankful for.

Like what the queen herself said, “I’m so fuckin’ grateful for my ex,” the deaths of loved ones, sometimes shitty mental health and everything else that has happened in my life. I hope you can learn to feel that way someday too.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.

Your Friend,
Jane